The following video, ‘I’m Here For You’, was presented by J Richard Knapp, CEO and
Stop Bullies Founder and CEO
Cathy Knapp, President of Stop-Bullies.com to an audience of three secondary schools providing services to thousands of students, which included classified, certified, and administrative employees. This presentation focused on the ‘culture’ needed in a school’s foundation to develop an effective bully prevention program.
Myth 1: Some people believe bullying was not present years ago. False - bullying was 
present then as it is today. It has only been in recent years that researchers have documented the behavior and the damage caused by the behavior.
Myth 2: Bullies generally grow out of it. False - research conducted today suggest more and more bullies are conducting their behavior in the adult workplace. There is additional evidence that former victims have become bullies.
Myth 3: Bullies are usually insecure and loners. False - bullies exhibit very confident behavior and are often called ‘charming‘. Many appear to be popular with great numbers of friends.
Myth 4: Bullies are usually males. False - female bullies are out there as well. Often, their behavior is harder to detect. Females tend to use verbal abuse techniques, rumors, and cyber bullying.
Myth 5: Bullies don’t pick on passive weaker students. False - people who appear to be weaker, passive, depressed, isolate, and socially unskilled are often the victims.
Myth 6: Bullies attack their victims in front of everyone. False - bullies do not want adults and people of authority to see their behavior, but are actually reinforced with their peers watching.
by Annie Fox
As an educator who’s been receiving student email from around the world for the past 15 years, I can tell you that kids are desperately seeking adult leadership to deal with school bullying. (See my review of the movie BULLY) The way 6th-8th graders describe it, in often heart-breaking terms, is that there is “no point in talking to teachers or the principal about this, because they do NOTHING.”
At this point, when the problem has been sufficiently identified so that everyone knows exactly what bullying is, any further talk talk talk is the same as doing nothing. Talk is cheap. School assemblies with outside speakers may not be ‘cheap’ but they do allow a school administration that doesn’t prioritize character education in any discernible way to tell distraught parents: “We’re handling it. We had an anti-bullying assembly.”
Piffle.
Even the most inspirational student assembly has no power to change a school culture. Not by its lonesome. Because a school’s culture is a living, breathing entity. Each school day, moment-by-moment, and each night on social media, all individuals within that school community contribute to the culture. If a school is truly serious about challenging the Culture of Cruelty you’ve got to do way more than talk. You need to call a community-wide meeting and give each stake-holder an opportunity to speak – that includes all students, teachers, coaches, administrators, support staff (bus drivers, office personnel, after school program staff, etc.). Conduct a Truth and Reconciliation session. Get real. Express the hurt. The anger. The frustration. Cop to the injustice. Take responsibility for what you’ve done and what you’ve failed to do. Apologize. Make amends. Work together to develop strategies for moving forward. Once the strategy for a culture of inclusion is in place, do not fail for one moment to foster it so it can take root and thrive.
by Eden, A Stop-Bullies Contributing Teen Author
Featured High School Student Author
As a junior in high school, it would seem like I would’ve witnessed an abundance of bullying by now. Well, the truth is, I’ve never really seen a whole lot of bullying firsthand. I’ve always heard about it and known that it happens, but it’s never really happened to me or anyone that I’m close to. This changed a couple of weeks ago when I saw my best friend being bullied in the middle of German class, and it made me look at bullying a little differently.
It started out just like any other day in German. “Guten Morgen, Classe!” the teacher cheerfully started class. She talked to the class for a while and then turned us loose to review vocabulary. My best friend walked across the room to turn in a paper, and as she returned and started to sit down, the boy sitting next to her called her a horrible name. She was shocked, and wasn’t sure if she heard him correctly.
“What?” she asked.
“You heard me,” he said. And he continued to spew out insult after insult, while she sat there in disbelief.
She told him to stop very firmly and said that she wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of treatment. He did stop for a while, but then the situation just started accelerating. I’m not sure how the situation would’ve turned out had the teacher not walked by and heard some of his remarks. She told him to get out of her classroom and to never come back. So he rose from his seat, threw his pen, shot a few curse words at the teacher, and stormed out. Everyone just stared, open-mouthed, and completely shocked at how utterly out of control he had been. Seeing this episode made me wonder about a few things.
First of all, why did it happen to my friend? I had always assumed that bullying was only something that happened to people who were obviously different in some way, or maybe weak or small. But she’s none of those things. She’s well-liked, outgoing, confident, and beautiful. I just couldn’t understand it. Also, his attack was completely unprovoked. She had never even spoken to him before. This just goes to show that bullying can be random. It doesn’t just happen to one class of people. It can happen to anyone and anywhere. And what would’ve happened had a teacher not been there and stepped in right at that moment? What else would he have said or done? This worries me because I know that bullying doesn’t always happen in places where teachers are there to get the situation under control.
After school the same day, my friend reported everything that was said and the decision was made that he should be suspended for a week. I was happy to know that our school took it seriously and took immediate and necessary action. After his week of suspension, he came back to class and took it upon himself to apologize for his actions. He stood in front of the class and gave what appeared to be a very sincere apology, and later gave my friend a more personal apology that also seemed very genuine. Ever since then, he has been eager to participate in class and has been going out of his way to be nice to everyone. Had I not seen his previous episode, I would have never suspected that he could ever bully someone. It made me happy to see such a happy ending, but I know that not all bullies can be changed so easily, and not all discipline is so effective.
Seeing this incident posed many questions for me about bullying. What does it take to make all bullies turn around their behavior like that? And I wonder, what causes someone to act like that completely unprovoked? Was that just him having a really bad day? What could make such a seemingly nice person to turn so quickly? Some of these questions I just can’t be sure of. This really was an eye-opening experience for me, and I cam only hope that more bullies can be dealt with in such an effective way. I hope that victims can stand up for themselves and that teachers and adults will take action just as mine did, so that there can be more happy endings like this.
by Eden, Guest Teen Author, USA
Featured High School Student Author
Every day people are bullied, and the effects can be devastating. It can rob someone of their self-esteem, their friends, and their happiness. However, what happens when people start to reach out to these people to accept them into a group and to make them feel like they belong somewhere? This is a story of a boy, whose experience was just that.
I first met Kyle two years ago when he transferred into my middle school halfway through the year. When he first came to school, he tried to make friends. He was nice to everyone, participated in class, and smiled all the time. But no one seemed to share his enthusiasm, because he was different. You see, Kyle is autistic. And so, people were cruel to him; they laughed when he talked in class, excluded him at lunch, and tripped him in the halls. I have always tried to reach out to him, and at first, he and I talked, and he seemed to appreciate my friendship. But it didn’t last long.
The change that I saw in him over the next few months was heartbreaking. He stopped talking to everyone, including me. He was always by himself and he stopped smiling. He had hardened.
Even when I tried to talk to him, he would just shut down. Worst of all, he started being mean to people too. I guess that he figured that if he was mean to people first, they wouldn’t be mean to him. The rest of his year continued this way, and thus, it came to an end.
The next time I saw Kyle was in high school, and he was very much the same if not worse. He looked lonely and sad as he wandered the halls alone. Once again, I tried to talk to him, to no avail. And so it was that the freshman year came to a close, too. But on the last day of school, I saw him looking at the posting of the choir audition results, and I noticed something strange. He was smiling. It looked awkward and foreign on his face, but unmistakably, it was a smile.
I walked up to him and said, “Hi Kyle. Did you audition?”
Much to my surprise, he replied, “Yes,” he answered. “And I got in.”
Seeing him happy and talking again was really a remarkable feeling. I congratulated Kyle and told him I was excited to have a class with him next year.
I walked away from Kyle with a wonderful warm feeling in my heart.
This year, Kyle and I are in choir together. Once again, I have seen a huge change in him, only this time for the better. The choir kids accepted him into the group with open arms, and I no longer see him alone. The best thing is, he’s always smiling now.
Kyle was a person that I thought to be beyond help. But what I didn’t realize was, all he needed, was to belong somewhere.
by J Richard Knapp
Stop Bullies Founder and CEO
It is very difficult to be the parent of a bullied child. The most important thing is to know as quickly as possible that your child has been targeted by a bully. At this point you must begin to make effective decisions which are right for your child’s best interests. Denial is not in the best interest of your child! Do not tell your child just to ignore it – they may not trust you again if you do this. You must be their advocate!
Step 1. Listen to your child intently. Make sure you have the complete picture. Write down all the information accurately such as an accurate and complete description, names, time, date, etc. Keep this information for future use.
Your ability to listen to your children and understand what they are saying is absolutely critical at this period of time. You will be challenged by your desire to provide input into the conversation. Don’t do it! This is the time for you to be the best listener you can be and provide assurance to your child that you are their advocate.
As the parent of a targeted victim, you will likely experience many emotions including hurt and anger as you are confronted with the knowledge that your child is the target of bullying. Stay calm!
Step 2. Notify your child’s teacher of the event and ask to meet as soon as possible. Give 
your teacher all the information you know. You may be tempted to ask your teacher to reveal private information about the bully. As this would break right of privacy laws, your teacher will decline to do so. Keep your focus on your child.
Step 3. Meet with your teacher. (According to some school district policies, your principal may be involved in this step.) You will want to know what is in place for additional support and protective supervision for your child. Is there a teaching component which reduces the susceptibility to be a victim of a bully? How are children taught to be more aware when others are victimized and react appropriately?
Step 4. Agree upon a communication strategy to monitor progress in the situation. Even as the dust settles from the incident, you must be constantly watching for recurring signs of concerns, which may include fear, sickness (headaches/stomachaches), anxiousness, sleep problems, and missing property.
Last, continue revisiting the topic periodically in your family discussions. Your child must know that they can always trust you in times such as this.
Understanding bullying is an incredibly complex issue. More and more people are realizing
there are many components to this behavior which must be examined. As we clearly gain understanding of these components, our potential to solve the devastation of bullying are greatly enhanced.
But what if the behavior we are seeing is really symptomatic of a much larger problem? We could find ourselves treating the symptom and not really getting to the root of the problem. It’s like giving someone Tylenol for the pain without ever examining them to understand the root cause of it.
This is exactly the role poverty may be playing in this discussion. Ruby Payne (1996), a leading expert in poverty, explains, language is not the predominant means of communication in poverty. Being physically dominant is part of survival. If you want or need something you need to take it, not as we often say in the middle class, “use your words”. Being physically dominant is also equated to safety. In the world of poverty, children pushing, shoving and grabbing is acceptable and necessary, but in most of our eyes it can earn you a consequence and even a label.
What do we do as we look at the role poverty may be playing in our issues of bullying? First, people must understand their own bias regarding who they perceive to be bullies and victims. This includes an openness to examine bullying in relationship to poverty. It is during this examination that we may see poverty patterns beginning to emerge.
Second, as adults we need to help all of our children understand what rules apply where and how to behave appropriately in different situations. For many of our children in poverty coming to school is very much like visiting a foreign country where all the accepted norms and customs of their worlds do not apply.
Let’s be clear, we are not telling people to ignore these behaviors. Instead, let’s understand where these behaviors may be coming from and apply effective intervention strategies on the behalf of these children. We must be constantly aware of the role poverty is playing in our lives and the lives of our children. This includes bullying! Let’s deal with the root and not the symptom.
Stop-Bullies.com is pleased to announce our October contributing authors and articles. Our mission is to give every parent access to these wonderful experts in relationship to bullying through their schools and other organizations:
Does your school have a parent teacher organization? How frequently do you discussion bully prevention or provide meaningful opportunities to learn bully prevention strategies and interventions. Answer: All the time!
Shona Anderson (Stop-Bullies.com Co-Founder) will be a featured speaker at the annual
Learning Forward Conference in Boston, December 3,4 and 5. Experience a deeper understanding of the elements of bystanderism through the larger realm of social sciences and research. Develop a paradigm shift in thinking regarding the role of educational professionals in bullying episodes. Gain tangible, research-based actions designed to address the seven stages of the bystander decision-making cycle for schools.